GP Stories - Funny Lump

Aging can cause normal things to look seemingly abnormal, and can make even experienced healthcare professionals fluster and worry, even those that see older people on a daily basis. The care home rounds are one of my highlights of the week, it breaks up the normal week and allows for the continuity of care that is sorely missing in primary care these days. We start with a morning coffee, or in my case Mocha, and I run though the list of patients to see with the nurse in charge. One of the patients was an elderly lady whom the nurses had noticed a lump on the right side of her groin. They wash and dress her and apparently had not seen it before. Wasn't causing her any issues but the carers seemed worried about a hernia. 

We came to the patient in her room, she was sitting in her armchair watching TV (which is always "Home under the Hammer" at that time) and asked her about the lump. She had no idea about it, and wasn't aware she had one, let alone that the nurses were worried. She agreed to let me examine her, so we moved her onto her bed. She took off her trousers and the lump became apparent. I pointed out the lump on the side of her groin to her and the head nurse. "That's her vulva" I said. "Her knickers are too tight." This made the patient start laughing, saying "Don't get old, it's not pretty" which made the nurse laugh. 

Diagnosis - Normal anatomy, NAD (No Abnormality Detected)

Plan - Better fitting underwear